Love sounds like a simple word but it holds vast meaning, understanding and feeling. It is difficult to define love because everyone’s perception of real love can be drastically different. Love is the glue that binds relationships and the bonds are strong and solid.
Who but Priyanka Karki Joshi and Ayushman DS Joshi can define love better than anyone! All of us have witnessed their love. From their initial dating period to getting engaged, married and now parents to their baby Ayanka we have seen them in each of those stages of love. Both have gone against society’s norms regarding love and marriage and all of us have witnessed that love conquers all. What follows is a conversation with Priyanka Karki Joshi and Ayushman DS Joshi regarding love and relationships:
Concept & Coordination : @esparshsarawagi
Photography: @photographer_coyo & @nurum_studio
Photo Edit: @gulember
Videography: @krish_sthapit , @_arhatttt_ , @aspiredigital_
Wardrobe: @manis_rai, @luksfashionandwears, @bunekonepal, @poshclothingstore , @sam_suii
Makeup & Hair: @shradha_maskey ( Assisted by: @ritu.chhantyal @shakyashreya)
Styling : @sham_vu ( Assisted By: @elisha_malla)
What is love? Has the definition of love changed through various stages of life?
Priyanka: I don’t think you can describe love in a word. According to me love is a small thing but there is no big definition for love. It lies in all small things knowing that your person is safe, caring about them and their happiness. The definition of love has not changed but I believe it has grown stronger through various stages of my life.
Ayushman: Back in the day, love used to be all about understanding, sacrificing and caring but now for me love is all about the choice of making sacrifices and caring. And with Priyanka it has always been something that I have relished; the love I have for her. It has grown with time. The understanding of love has definitely changed for me through these stages of life.
How do you guys usually celebrate Valentine’s day?
Ayushman: It is wonderful that we celebrate love and have a day dedicated for love. I would not say it is a special day but we just like to keep it simple and cozy; we go for dinner and spend time with each other.
Priyanka: For me Valentine’s day is typically like any other day. I know it is a day dedicated for love, but I think if you love someone you consciously make a choice to love that person every single day. I don’t necessarily wait for Valentine’s day to celebrate love. Every day is Valentine’s day for me.
What are your main methods of communication?
Ayushman: It is actually making a conscious decision to sit down and talk about the feelings that we have for each other. There are unsaid conversations that we have and up until now I have understood that we should be transparent. It has been a fine balance up until now.
Priyanka: It is very important to have healthy communication with your partner. If you bottle things up, then it would be very difficult to communicate. We have always made it a point to communicate even the smallest and biggest things. Sometimes it ends up with discussions and arguments and it is completely fine as long as you let it out and express yourself.
How did you guys know that he/she is the one?
Ayushman: I guess we are still figuring it out and up until now it has been an amazing journey. It has been a conscious decision to choose Priyanka. I choose her every day and choose to make sacrifices and put an extra effort.
Priyanka: Honestly, I still don’t know if he is the one, but I will work every day to make sure he is the one for me and that is the choice that I have made in my life.
What has been the most challenging time during your relationship?
Priyanka: Covid was the most challenging time for us as we had just got married and shifted to our house with no furniture and no help but it was a beautiful challenge. I would also give a lot of credit to that period for where we stand today because although we were in a relationship we were not married. We were only there for each other and the lockdown gave us a whole year of honeymoon.
Ayushman: I have the habit of giving a 110% in a relationship where to a point I forgot about myself. In love sometimes you choose to do so much for the other person you forget about yourself and that can happen. It was more of a challenge to myself, with myself than with the relationship.
Over the years, what have you learned about each other or through each other?
Ayushman: We are learning about each other every day. You can’t know the person 100% because both of you are evolving and changing every single day.
Priyanka: I learn about him every day as both of us are not the same as we used to be like yesterday. And with every day new responsibilities come up specially as a parent, we both are learning parenting. Each day it is a conscious choice I make to understand and respect him for who he really is without trying to change him.
How do you two deal with conflict in a relationship?
Ayushman: We talk it out. We make sure to put it on the table whatever that is happening inside of us as both of us can’t read each other’s mind. We make a point to put across whatever it is that we are feeling. We make sure to make time for each other even without Ayanka because sometimes we have to exclude the child whatever the parents are going through with.
Priyanka: When you talk about two individuals coming together and trying to make a relationship work, not all ideas and line of thoughts would be on the same page, we are going to have different thoughts, opinions and perspectives and it is always about trying to find a balance. I come halfway and he comes halfway and that’s where we meet and handle all conflicts.
Something unexpected or special incidents from your wedding.
Ayushman: I cried at our wedding which was completely unexpected. It was the happiest moment of my life.
Priyanka: The entire wedding was special. Getting married to the person I love so much has definitely been the highlight of my life that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
How has parenthood changed you?
Ayushman: It has made me a lot more responsible and to be able to reflect on whatever choices I have made. I am an adrenaline junkie and I have always loved adventure sports. Now every time I try to do something dangerous I think of my child first, so in that sense personally it has changed me.
Priyanka: It is a lot more added responsibility. Knowing that there is a tiny human being whose whole universe revolves around me and him is a big deal. She is our responsibility and thinking about her I want to give her the whole world. I am very protective and in a way possessive as well sometimes. It changes your life in ways which you cannot express in words.
What is this one quality that you think sets your marriage apart from others?
Ayushman: Marriage is a social construct and I am someone who doesn’t believe that if two people have to be together they have to get married. We did it because it was our choice and we wanted to celebrate with our friends and family. If we have to compare with somebody else’s marriage, we are different individuals in this marriage and that is no comparison to what other people have.
Priyanka: Every marriage is different; they have their own individual characteristics. But the most beautiful thing about our marriage is that we are close and connected, yet we give space to each other. And I think that is very important, where we grow together and individually and we both respect that part about each other.
What do you feel is the secret to making a marriage work for a lifetime?
Ayushman: It is a mystery and it depends on both partners to make a marriage work. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship as we human beings are not perfect. It is a conscious choice of each partner to make a marriage work.
Priyanka: There is no such thing as a secret you have to work hard every single day. Marriage is hard work and not a fairy tale; don’t expect to be married and hope that it would be perfect even if you married the man of your dreams. It is a conscious choice to put effort into every single day.
Your biggest fears and joys about a relationship.
Ayushman: I have seen and been in lovely relationships and they break as well; not to say that love didn’t exist, love was there it never goes away. Fear in a relationship will be: what if the choices that I make are not the same choices that other people will make. The good thing about a relationship is that there is always somebody there for you in any situation.
Priyanka: The biggest fear will always be fear about losing him in many ways because you have created something beautiful. Your own fear would be: what if it doesn’t stay. Every single day that I live with him is an absolute joy for me.
Both of your future aspirations as parents.
Ayushman: It is to be a good role model and set a good example for your child. We have made a choice not to induce any kind of thoughts into her. I have always believed you set examples by doing it and showing it so you have to practice what you preach.
Priyanka: We are just there for her whenever she needs us, but we would never impose or want her to be a certain way. We just want her to grow well and be whatever she wants to be.
Some of the things you do to keep your relationship growing?
Ayushman: To always remind myself that I love the other person and you kind of have to. Just a simple text of I love you and I miss you can change the whole scenario because we usually don’t express it with our partner. Both of us are working parents; sometimes I am home and Priyanka is working. You have to show your sensitive side to one another.
Priyanka: I think being honest is the most important thing in keeping a relationship healthy and it is a key which solves most of the problems sometimes both the partners might not be on the same page and if you honestly speak your heart out, it always works out.